Autographed Paperbacks


Autographed Paperbacks

Looking for an autographed paperback? They make great collectors items, keepsakes, and gifts (whether or not you like the person you’re giving it to).

Please fill out the form below or see the Autograph FAQs at the bottom of the page for details.

Full Shipping address including, city, state, country, and zip / shipping code.
NOTE: US, UK, CA, AUS, DE, and NZ only.
Domestic Shipping is $3/book. International shipping is $25 per every 3 books (min $25).
Dedication info (leave blank for signature only)
Shipping directions, items you'd like multiple copies of, whether you want it extra snarky, etc


Q: How does this work? I don’t see a payment button.
A: After you submit the form above, you’ll be emailed an invoice (from Freewill Press). Upon payment, I will put in a request for your books. Your order will then typically take between 2 and 3 weeks to reach me for signing so I can then ship them to you.

Q: What payment types do you accept?
A: I currently use PayPal for invoicing. They accept all major credit cards.

Q: How much are you charging for your John Hancock?
A: I don’t charge anything for my autograph. Never have, hopefully never will. All prices above are based on the book’s suggested retail price at

Q: This is new. What changed?
A: I realized I had too many books (and not enough office space) to keep a running inventory. Hence, I’ve moved to more of an on-demand model.

Q: When you write a message, is it friendly or are you going to call me a slice of fucking dick cheese?
A: My dedications tend to be pretty friendly/tame by default. If you’re looking for something a bit more insulting, though, drop me a line and let me know. I aim to please.

Q: Do you charge shipping?
A: For Domestic Shipping please add $3 per book. International shipping is charged at a flat rate of $25 for every 3 books (minimum $25). So if you order 1-3 books, your shipping will be $25, 4-6 books – $50, and so on.

Please Note: this does not include VAT or any other charges you may incur upon receipt. This is simply my cost to ship.

Q: Do you ship outside the United States?
A: Yes. I am currently servicing the US, Canada, UK, Germany, Australia, and New Zealand.

Q: What about tax?
A: NJ sales tax will be applied where applicable.

Q: When will my book ship?
A: As soon as it can. If I have it on hand, I will ship it out within a few days of receipt of order. However, I’m moving to a low inventory on-demand model, so please anticipate roughly 2 to 3 weeks for your order to be received for signing and shipment.

Q: What if I don’t fill in the “Make it out to” field?
A: Then you’ll just get my near incomprehensible signature.

Q: Can I return it if I hate (insert whatever reason here)?
A: As these are customized items, all sales are final. That being said, my goal is to delight you, not piss you off. If there’s an issue with shipping – a product doesn’t arrive, or arrives damaged – please use the contact form in the website navigation to reach out to me so we can arrange a replacement.

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