Looking for an autographed paperback? They make great collector’s items, keepsakes, and gifts (whether or not you like the person you’re giving it to).
Please use the ordering options below. And be sure to see the Autograph FAQs at the bottom of the page for details and shipping info.
Q: How does this work?
A: After you submit your order, I will put in a request for your book(s). For basic shipping (the default), your order will then typically take between 2 and 3 weeks to reach me for signing so I can then ship it to you.
Q: Wait. Why so long?
A: I realized I had too many books (and not enough office space) to keep a running inventory. Hence, I’ve moved to an on-demand model where I order books upon request.
Q: What’s the difference between Basic and Expedited?
A: If you need your book(s) in a hurry, I can place a rush order. This greatly speeds up the time in which I receive them for signing but obviously costs more. The Expedited service is an additional $5 per book and in most cases reduces the wait time for shipping to under a week.
Q: What payment types do you accept?
A: I currently use PayPal for order processing. They accept all major credit cards.
Q: How much are you charging for your John Hancock?
A: I don’t charge anything for my autograph. Never have, hopefully never will. All prices above are based on the suggested retail price at Amazon.com.
Q: When you write a message in the book, is it friendly or are you going to call me a slice of moldy dick cheese?
A: My dedications tend to be pretty friendly/tame by default. If you’re looking for something a bit more insulting, though, drop me a line and let me know. I aim to please.
Q: What do you charge for shipping?
A: It’s $4 per book for domestic shipping. International shipping is $40 for every 3 books (min $40). Shipping and Tax will be calculated at final checkout.
Please Note: this does not include VAT or any other charges you may incur upon receipt. This is simply my cost to ship.
Q: Do you ship outside the United States?
A: Yes. I am currently servicing the US, Canada, UK, Australia, and New Zealand. Orders from anywhere else will be cancelled and refunded.
Q: What about tax?
A: NJ sales tax will be applied at final checkout where applicable.
Q: When will my book ship?
A: As soon as it can. If I have it on hand, I will ship it out within a few days. Otherwise, I’ve moved to a low inventory on-demand model, so please anticipate roughly 2 to 3 weeks for your order to be received for signing and shipment. If you decide to go with Expedited instead, your order should ship out within a week.
Q: What if I don’t fill in the “Make it out to” field?
A: Then you’ll simply get my near incomprehensible signature.
Q: What about books you’ve co-authored?
A: When you buy a book from my website, it comes with my signature. Unfortunately, due to the nature of time and distance, it’s not feasible for me to obtain the autographs of my co-authors for this service. Please reach out to them directly to make arrangements regarding an autograph.
Q: What is the trim size of your books?
A: All paperbacks are 5×8 trim. Hard covers are 6×9.
Q: Do the hardcovers come with dust jackets?
A: No. All of the hardcover books sold via this site are printed via case laminate (directly on the cover).
Q: Can I return it if I hate (insert whatever reason here)?
A: As these are customized items, all sales are final. That being said, my goal is to delight you, not piss you off. If there’s an issue with shipping – a product doesn’t arrive, or arrives damaged – please use my contact form to reach out to me so we can arrange a replacement.