Sneak Peek: CARNAGE À TROIS (Bill of the Dead 3)
Guess I should’ve listened to Mike’s warning, because it sure as shit didn’t get much shadier than Gan.
It would figure that weeks of speculation on where she was holed up, followed by intense preparation of a questionable spell meant to find her secret lair, would culminate in the creepy fucker just showing up out of the blue to cop a feel.
I really should’ve expected this would happen. Would have saved us a lot of prep work.
Oh well.
I pulled free from her embrace and spun – taking a wild swing in the hopes of hitting her stupid face – only to strike nothing but empty air, my momentum knocking me into the freaking refrigerator almost hard enough to upend it.
Unsurprisingly, Gan was halfway across the living room by then, standing there with her hands on her hips in a manner that suggested she considered this little more than foreplay.
Oh God, I am never getting an erection ever again.
She let out a chuckle as I took a moment to right myself. “It is so good to see you can still make me laugh after all this time, my love.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Well, you know what they say … if you gotta go, go with a smile.” I launched myself at her, accomplishing nothing but trashing our folding table because, as usual, Gan fought like the rest of the world was moving in slow motion.
“As enchanting as this is, Beloved. I’m here to…”
“Get your ass kicked?” I finished, writing checks with my mouth that I was certain my body couldn’t cash. “Because you sure as hell deserve it after what you did.”
“I only did what was necessary,” she replied, nimbly dodging my next attack as if she had all the time in the world. “It is neither this world’s destiny to remain locked from the multiverse, nor is it yours to while away your years in mediocrity.”
“Maybe I like mediocrity! Um, you know what I mean.”
Okay, this wasn’t working. Not only was Gan my physical superior many times over, she’d forgotten more about fighting than I ever cared to learn. I could chase her all day and still come up emptyhanded.
I needed to stop playing her game and use my own strengths to my advantage, which were … um, coding database applications for her? Okay, forget that. I’m sure there was something else I could use.
Man, I really needed to buy a gun.
Gan faced me in the living room, looking obnoxiously smug as she…
Use your surroundings.
Wait! The living room. The voice in my head was right. This place was a shit hole, but it was my shit hole. I knew it like the back of my hand.
“I’m not here to fight, my love,” she said, her eyes locked on me and nothing else.
“Fine, then let’s wrestle instead!” Okay, definitely a poor choice of words, but whatever. I once again launched myself at her, throwing my body length wise as if this were a WWE match and I was leaping off the top rope.
Gan tried to move, only to clip one of the end tables … exactly as I’d hoped. It slowed her down just enough for me to plow into her, sending us both tumbling over the sofa and ending up with me on top.
“Hah! Gotcha you little … mmmph.”
She easily broke free of my grasp, wrapped her legs around me, then dragged me in – forcing her tongue down my throat.
Gah! I’d once again played into her overly grabby hands. So much for strategy.
She disengaged just long enough to say, “Using the environment to your advantage? Oh how it sets my loins afire!”
“Fuck you, you psychotic…”
Her mouth enveloped mine before I could finish, making me think it would be wise going forward to avoid saying anything that implied fucking.
Sadly, she had me right where she wanted me, quite literally. Even with my advantage in both position and leverage, she was able to overpower me as she continued trying to drill through the top of my mouth with her tongue.
Hell, I couldn’t even make a Listerine crack since her breath was minty fresh. Figures!
*click*
What the? I turned my head to see she’d pulled out a cell phone and … holy shit! Was she actually taking selfies?! Talk about adding insult to injury.
Oh, fuck that shit.
I had only one recourse if I wanted to end this – something so vile the very thought of it made me want to puke in both our mouths.
As her tongue probed every square inch of my mouth, like an alien invader going hog wild with an abductee, I willed my fangs to extend.
This wasn’t going to be pleasant, but the only way to fight her horny fire was with more fire, and the only way I was going to get that was with her blood.
I clamped down onto her tongue with my teeth, opening my eyes and staring into hers, wanting her to know what was to come as I prepared to sink my…
So, of course it figured my roommates would pick that moment to return home, the front door opening to reveal Tom and a bloated, desiccated corgi that could only be Glen’s latest disguise.
Fuck me!
It would figure that weeks of speculation on where she was holed up, followed by intense preparation of a questionable spell meant to find her secret lair, would culminate in the creepy fucker just showing up out of the blue to cop a feel.
I really should’ve expected this would happen. Would have saved us a lot of prep work.
Oh well.
I pulled free from her embrace and spun – taking a wild swing in the hopes of hitting her stupid face – only to strike nothing but empty air, my momentum knocking me into the freaking refrigerator almost hard enough to upend it.
Unsurprisingly, Gan was halfway across the living room by then, standing there with her hands on her hips in a manner that suggested she considered this little more than foreplay.
Oh God, I am never getting an erection ever again.
She let out a chuckle as I took a moment to right myself. “It is so good to see you can still make me laugh after all this time, my love.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Well, you know what they say … if you gotta go, go with a smile.” I launched myself at her, accomplishing nothing but trashing our folding table because, as usual, Gan fought like the rest of the world was moving in slow motion.
“As enchanting as this is, Beloved. I’m here to…”
“Get your ass kicked?” I finished, writing checks with my mouth that I was certain my body couldn’t cash. “Because you sure as hell deserve it after what you did.”
“I only did what was necessary,” she replied, nimbly dodging my next attack as if she had all the time in the world. “It is neither this world’s destiny to remain locked from the multiverse, nor is it yours to while away your years in mediocrity.”
“Maybe I like mediocrity! Um, you know what I mean.”
Okay, this wasn’t working. Not only was Gan my physical superior many times over, she’d forgotten more about fighting than I ever cared to learn. I could chase her all day and still come up emptyhanded.
I needed to stop playing her game and use my own strengths to my advantage, which were … um, coding database applications for her? Okay, forget that. I’m sure there was something else I could use.
Man, I really needed to buy a gun.
Gan faced me in the living room, looking obnoxiously smug as she…
Use your surroundings.
Wait! The living room. The voice in my head was right. This place was a shit hole, but it was my shit hole. I knew it like the back of my hand.
“I’m not here to fight, my love,” she said, her eyes locked on me and nothing else.
“Fine, then let’s wrestle instead!” Okay, definitely a poor choice of words, but whatever. I once again launched myself at her, throwing my body length wise as if this were a WWE match and I was leaping off the top rope.
Gan tried to move, only to clip one of the end tables … exactly as I’d hoped. It slowed her down just enough for me to plow into her, sending us both tumbling over the sofa and ending up with me on top.
“Hah! Gotcha you little … mmmph.”
She easily broke free of my grasp, wrapped her legs around me, then dragged me in – forcing her tongue down my throat.
Gah! I’d once again played into her overly grabby hands. So much for strategy.
She disengaged just long enough to say, “Using the environment to your advantage? Oh how it sets my loins afire!”
“Fuck you, you psychotic…”
Her mouth enveloped mine before I could finish, making me think it would be wise going forward to avoid saying anything that implied fucking.
Sadly, she had me right where she wanted me, quite literally. Even with my advantage in both position and leverage, she was able to overpower me as she continued trying to drill through the top of my mouth with her tongue.
Hell, I couldn’t even make a Listerine crack since her breath was minty fresh. Figures!
*click*
What the? I turned my head to see she’d pulled out a cell phone and … holy shit! Was she actually taking selfies?! Talk about adding insult to injury.
Oh, fuck that shit.
I had only one recourse if I wanted to end this – something so vile the very thought of it made me want to puke in both our mouths.
As her tongue probed every square inch of my mouth, like an alien invader going hog wild with an abductee, I willed my fangs to extend.
This wasn’t going to be pleasant, but the only way to fight her horny fire was with more fire, and the only way I was going to get that was with her blood.
I clamped down onto her tongue with my teeth, opening my eyes and staring into hers, wanting her to know what was to come as I prepared to sink my…
So, of course it figured my roommates would pick that moment to return home, the front door opening to reveal Tom and a bloated, desiccated corgi that could only be Glen’s latest disguise.
Fuck me!
Tom stood there a moment, staring as I tried to pry myself off Gan.
“Not cool, dude. Christy’s going to lose her shit.”
“I…” Gan eased up just enough to let me catch my breath. “I’m not trying to bang her, you idiot. I’m trying to fight her.”
“With your dick?”
“No!”
“Ooh, is this a battle?” Glen replied. “I need to go get my camera.”
He began waddling past us toward his bedroom.
Idiots. I lived with fucking idiots.
At least Gan finally let me go, giving me a chance to scrabble away from her, feeling like I needed a good delousing. Goddamn, I really needed to start carrying pepper spray.
“Shining One,” she said with a nod, standing up and straightening her dress. “Or should I say, new Shining One?”
“Oh shit, it’s you!” Tom cried, finally taking a good look at her.
“Who the fuck else do you think would be trying to mouth fuck me like that?” I snapped.
“I don’t know. A prostitute maybe.”
If Gan took offense at the irony of being called a whore she didn’t show it. “The witch’s former paramour returned in the Shining One’s body. Fate, it would seem, possesses a sense of irony.”
“What do you mean former?”
“Are you going to just take that shit?” I asked him. “Get her!”
“You get her, asshole. She’s your girlfriend.”
“No, she isn’t.”
“Indeed. I am his bride to be.”
“Will you shut the fuck up with that?” I glanced back at Gan, noticing she was fiddling with her phone now. “Wait, what the hell are you doing?”
“Is it not obvious, my love? I’m uploading our photos to Instagram.”
“What?!”
“For my six hundred thousand followers to enjoy.”
“Six-hundred thousand…”
“Dude,” Tom remarked. “That’s a shitload more than…”
“Don’t remind me.” I turned my attention back to her. “Since when the fuck do you use social media?”
“Ever since,” she replied, continuing to type, “I realized the modern world is fascinated by wealth, beauty, and love. Thus is it only natural I become an influencer, possessing all three.”
“Not cool, dude. Christy’s going to lose her shit.”
“I…” Gan eased up just enough to let me catch my breath. “I’m not trying to bang her, you idiot. I’m trying to fight her.”
“With your dick?”
“No!”
“Ooh, is this a battle?” Glen replied. “I need to go get my camera.”
He began waddling past us toward his bedroom.
Idiots. I lived with fucking idiots.
At least Gan finally let me go, giving me a chance to scrabble away from her, feeling like I needed a good delousing. Goddamn, I really needed to start carrying pepper spray.
“Shining One,” she said with a nod, standing up and straightening her dress. “Or should I say, new Shining One?”
“Oh shit, it’s you!” Tom cried, finally taking a good look at her.
“Who the fuck else do you think would be trying to mouth fuck me like that?” I snapped.
“I don’t know. A prostitute maybe.”
If Gan took offense at the irony of being called a whore she didn’t show it. “The witch’s former paramour returned in the Shining One’s body. Fate, it would seem, possesses a sense of irony.”
“What do you mean former?”
“Are you going to just take that shit?” I asked him. “Get her!”
“You get her, asshole. She’s your girlfriend.”
“No, she isn’t.”
“Indeed. I am his bride to be.”
“Will you shut the fuck up with that?” I glanced back at Gan, noticing she was fiddling with her phone now. “Wait, what the hell are you doing?”
“Is it not obvious, my love? I’m uploading our photos to Instagram.”
“What?!”
“For my six hundred thousand followers to enjoy.”
“Six-hundred thousand…”
“Dude,” Tom remarked. “That’s a shitload more than…”
“Don’t remind me.” I turned my attention back to her. “Since when the fuck do you use social media?”
“Ever since,” she replied, continuing to type, “I realized the modern world is fascinated by wealth, beauty, and love. Thus is it only natural I become an influencer, possessing all three.”
