JINGLE MY BALLS
Shingles – 24
by John G Hartness
Jeff just wanted to ride his lawnmower to the beer store, get a twelve-pack, and drink away the night before Christmas Eve. But something went awry, and he came home to find a horny elf twerking in his living room. The elf, actually his animated Shelf Elf Herman, has just one more night to experience what it’s really like to be a human before Christmas comes and he’s trapped in plastic forever.
Herman’s spent the past few years coming to life at night during the holiday season, and he’s done a lot, but there’s one important part of being alive that he’s never experienced. That’s right, Jeff has to find someone willing to make Herman the Elf a MAN.
Their noble quest will take them into the wilds of Hind Lick, Alabama to LuLu’s, a house of ill repute nestled deep into the woods, and all the way to an adult establishment with a fifty-foot-tall neon sculpture on the roof. Then a crime war breaks out in rural Alabama, and everything goes even more sideways!